Surprise Blessing

On my drive each morning to conference center, Pasadena California.

Adoration Chapel at St. Theresa's Parish in Pasadena (Alhambra, technically), where the Carmelite fathers have kindly let me stay.

Dear Friends and Family,

I have a surprise blessing to share. But before that I'll share one of the most wonderful blessings of this past week: Adoration.

These past days I have been able to make a quiet Holy Hour each day in the adoration chapel pictured above. It is such a tremendous privilege to be alone with Our Lord. To kneel at His feet and be able to talk to Him, to listen to Him, to ask Him questions, to simply adore Him, love Him, and receive His love. I have been particularly struck these past days by how spoiled I am in my life as a priest--to have so much time one-on-one with Him, especially in the Mass and in Adoration. So much peace, hope, strength, joy, and light comes from Adoration. I suppose there's not a lot I can write about it here that would be adequate. I'll simply say that I am a very, very lucky (or rather blessed) man to live in, and almost always stay in while traveling, places where my daily life includes this silent time in adoration of Our Lord.

Now to the surprise blessing that happened today.... but first a quick report on the past days of study.

I am in Pasadena, California for the final preparatory courses for the First Year Law Students' Exam, and then the exam itself this coming Tuesday. I am very ready to finish the studying and take the test! So very much looking forward to returning to a regular life of priestly ministry and prayer at Lanherne at the end of this week. The studies have been intense and draining, but good.

The review sessions have been all day at a Pasadena conference center, but on by some of our professors at Concord Law School. To give you two examples of the professors I'm learning from:

One is an Illinois attorney who is the lead attorney for a stable group at the Illinois state legislature. I don't remember the name of the group but his team's job is to be constantly available to the legislators from both parties to review and help draft proposed legislation. If I understood correctly he is appointed by the governor and oversees a team of about 20 attorneys who do this. In addition he is a devout Catholic, father of a family, and makes homemade pizza that has won awards at the Illinois State Fair. He also sits on the national group that develops and presents proposals on the commercial code. Another is our dean. A Harvard law graduate he taught at another school for some years before becoming dean here a year ago. Very bright man. He is also a devout Jew and concerned with religious liberty. Very interesting man to talk with.

We had an awards ceremony at lunch and that's where the surprise came. I debated about whether I should share this with you all, but since many of you have been praying for my studies I felt I should. We were two sections of students, about 100 students in each section, who began the year, and about 40 successfully passed the final examination. They gave out awards for the student in each section with the highest grade in each of our four courses. We applauded as the other section's awards were given. Then for our section they handed out the award for highest grade in Contracts to a good fellow from Michigan. They they said, "occasionally we have as student who gets the highest grade in more than one course," and proceeded to call me forward to receive awards for highest grades in Criminal Law, Torts (law suits), and Legal Writing. I was quite surprised. Though this gives me no guarantees of passing the exam Tuesday-which is administered by the California State Bar rather than Concord, it is a nice boost to my confidence. Though I also feel quite at peace about not continuing if I am not supposed to pass or continue. We'll see.

So thank you for all of your prayers. For those of you in England, look forward to seeing you next weekend!

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Tony Pillari

Corpus Christi

In front of the Littleton, Colorado Carmelite Monastery, with the Carter children from Texas. 

Dear Friends and Family,

Blessed Feast of Corpus Christi and happy Father's Day! In the traditional calendar there is the wonderful option of celebrating this feast twice: it is always celebrated on the Thursday after Pentecost--as I did this past Thursday--and then can be repeated again on Sunday for the sake of the faithful. So I had the blessing of offering this Mass twice, here in my parents' home, where I am studying intensely for the California mini-bar exam.

Though I have often mentioned it, I'll repeat again here: it is such a tremendous joy and blessing to be able to offer the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass every morning. How is it that God has been so immensely good and merciful as to grant me this grace of waking up every morning and being face to face with Him at the altar, of adoring Him, of offering Him to the Father and of having the extended time for silent prayer that I am blessed with? I can never thank God enough for this amazing gift...

This past week I had the joy of visiting my brother Andy and his family in Denver. It was a great, even if brief, visit. And as you can see in the picture above, I also had the wonderful blessing of seeing the Carter family this past week, who made the trip all the way up from Texas to Denver to let me see them and have some contact with those I know and love in Texas. For the rest of you Texans, a plan is finally in the works that would allow me to come see you all this coming year. Hopefully I'll have more information on that soon. Really looking forward to seeing you all. If the Carters are any indication, you will be significant taller than when I last saw you!

Other than those few days of visits, these weeks are devoted to studying. On the plane, while driving, and then spending most days studying all day in an office area in my parents' home. It has been a humbling experience. Over and over again I have been taking practice essay exams and submitting them for grading. Study intensely, prepare, pray, take the exam, and then get the grade back and discover... that I failed. That has been the case most of the time (and I think it what almost all of us are doing on our practice exams). Then learn from my mistakes and try to do better next time. I don't know whether or not I will pass the exam in 10 days time. But I would invite you to join me in a prayer: that God's will be done--If He wants me to pass the exam that I pass. If He wants me to fail that I fail. Either way this preparation has been a good experience for me spiritually: accepting to put in the time, work, and sacrifice each day without any guarantees of what it will yield on the exam. Trying to realize that the key thing is to try to offer Jesus that daily sacrifice as a gift, and then to accept whatever comes. I've never before had the experience of regularly failing something, so this has been good for me.

There will likely be some other very important news in my life in these next few weeks, but I will save that news for when it happens.

In the meantime, you all are in my prayers. May Jesus and Mary watch over and guide you.

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Tony Pillari

Desiring the Salvation of Souls

Sunrise in Littleton, Colorado. Taken from the backyard of the presbytery of Our Lady of Mount Carmel Parish.

What "ASAP" really means. Hanging in someone's home.

View from where I'm sitting right now--a park in Boulder Colorado, with my back against a tree, typing this blog...

Dear Friends and Family,

There would be much to write you about from the past week--not the least of which would be the fact that I passed my comprehensive exam and am now a licensed canon lawyer! However since I can't share about everything, and after praying a few moments about what to write, I'd like to share with you a very simple event that happened a few days ago...

I had just landed in the Denver airport and was waiting for a bus. A man walked up to me and said "Hello Father," and then quickly began to speak of the urgent reason that has brought him to the Denver airport. He was a well-built man, about 60 years old, who reminded me of a Texas business man (and indeed he was from Texas). He explained that he was going to visit his friend, who was lying seriously ill in a home near Denver. He was not one of his closest friends. In fact they'd met just a few years ago. But they had seen each other on several occasions and had struck up a friendship.

This Texas traveler was now making a weekend trip to try to save his friend's soul. "I'm concerned for his soul. He hasn't accepted Jesus Christ into his life yet," he said. "I was supposed to come see him next weekend. But his son called me a few days ago and said that if I wanted to see him while he was still conscious I'd better hurry. So I booked this flight straight away. He's a good man, but He hasn't accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior and so he risks going to hell. It's awful to think of your friend in hell for eternity..." The man was tearing up as he spoke, in spite of having the appearance of a "tough Texas man" who would normally not allow himself to cry.

"I'm going to talk with him, to tell him what he risks suffering for all eternity, to speak to him about Jesus Christ." We then talked for a few minutes (still waiting for the bus) about the awful reality of hell, the priceless gift of Jesus Christ as the Way, the Truth, and the Life, the only one who could save souls from hell and grant them entrance into heaven. I thanked him for all that he was doing to try to save his friend's soul and assured him I would pray for his friend. He added, "Yes, it's the most important thing in the world. Nothing else really matters. I'm glad that my children have had the chance to work with older people as they were dying. They've had the chance to see the importance in serving older people--how valuable the elderly are simply as persons--and that my children understand the importance of eternal salvation." Then the bus pulled up, we got on and were separated, and shortly thereafter he got off.

A great reminder of the urgent importance of the salvation of souls... and that was followed up by the pastor's sermon this Sunday. Father Jackson, FSSP, kindly let me stay at their rectory for a few days so that I could visit with my brother and his wife and children out here in Colorado. He also asked me to celebrate two of the Sunday Masses (which were quite full--6:30AM on a Sunday had around 150 people, and 8:30 AM had around 300--and this was before the 10:30AM High Mass and then 12:30PM Mass). Father Jackson preached on the Trinity, and also recalled Our Lord's words, "Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the road is broad that lead to destruction, and there are many that enter by it. How narrow the gate and straight the road that leads to life and few there are that find it!" (Mt 7:14).

How many souls around us, people we encounter every day, are on the broad way that leads to destruction? And what are you and I doing to help them? As Our Lady said to the young children at Fatima, "There are many souls that go to hell because there is no one to pray and make sacrifices for them." May Our Lady find among us, and among young children today, generous souls to help save others from the awful flames of hell.

And God bless this man at the Denver airport who was willing to make the urgent trip to try to save his friend's soul.

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Tony Pillari, J.C.L.

Post coming by Tuesday night

Dear Friends and Family,

I have limited internet access at the moment and likely will not be able to post photos and a blog post until Tuesday.

Praying for you!

Fr. Tony Pillari

Little Thomas

Back yard of my parents' house, where I've been studying for the week. Look at the size of the trees!

Back yard.

My little nephew Thomas. In spite of how he looks he was quite comfortable in this position,  and had been sleeping peacefully.

Thomas sleeping on my brother-in-law Pat.

Dear Friends and Family,

A few days ago little Thomas, pictured above, was taking a nap. I sat studying with a baby-monitor next to me, keeping an eye on him since everyone else was out. Baby monitors have improved a lot since I was little. This one even shows you a live video of the baby sleeping. So I watched him sleep, toss and turn, sigh, and then... wake up.. earlier than expected, while everyone was still out. He began to fuss and I at first dutifully followed orders to let him fuss for a bit, to see if he would fall back asleep or really cry. He began to really cry... so I made my way into his room to pick him up.

As the door opened he settled down a bit to examine just who was walking into his room. But as I bent down to pick him up I think he determined that I was neither his mom, nor someone familiar and so he began to cry more intensely. OK, I thought, walk him, pat him on the back, and bounce him a little. That should work.

No dice. I walked him around the house but he kept crying loudly. Then I remembered... he loves to stare at moving ceiling fans. So I quickly made my way onto the porch, turned on the fan and then spent a while juggling him in one arm while trying to get the fan speed to slow down with the other arm, so that he could actually see it spin. He kept screaming for a few moments but then, as I rocked him in a porch chair from which he could stare at the spinning fan, he finally began to calm down and we had some moments to just sit there together. I sang the Ave Maria and we watched the fan spin...

And it occurred to me that such activities are what occupies, and has occupied for centuries, much of the days and nights of mothers for a significant portion of their life. Rock baby, help baby sleep, pray for baby, talk to him, feed baby, change diaper, etc. etc. etc. then repeat. Such simple, hidden things that the world doesn't notice. And to think that the Virgin Mary is doing all this on the spiritual level each moment of each day for me. Looking after me, protecting me, nourishing my soul, praying for me, trying to guide me, correcting me when I've sinned, placing peace and joy in the soul, and a thousand other actions in our souls.. What a gift it is to have such a Heavenly Mother! 

A few minutes later my dad walked in the door and claimed little Thomas and I went back to studying, which is how I spent the week: early morning prayer and Mass, study, at some point head to an adoration chapel to make a Holy Hour, keep studying, exercise, dinner and some time with family, repeat. A blessed way to spend a week.

This Tuesday are my comprehensive exams as the final exams to become a canon lawyer. We are supposed to be prepared to answer any question regarding the entire code of canon law, but with particular reference to fifteen topics that I have been focussing on: general decrees and instructions, the rights and duties of the Christian faithful, the rights and duties of the laity, Mass stipends and their administration, penal censures and the process of imposing penal sanctions, religious communities' administration of temporal goods, processes for investigating the nullity of a marriage, marriage law on consent and impediments to marriage, administration of temporal goods in dioceses and parishes, the Church's oversight of books and other means of communication, juridic persons in the Church, and private and public associations of the faithful.

On Tuesday morning I'll have two 30 minute oral examinations, each with two professors. Hopefully I will come out of it a canon lawyer.

Lastly, I wish to say a particular word of thanks to those of you who have so generously been making my studies and priestly ministry during this time possible thanks to your donations. I offered Friday's Mass, as I do every first Friday, for you and your intentions.

On this Pentecost Sunday may Jesus and Mary watch over you, protect you, and guide you to become a saint one day.

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,

Fr. Tony Pillari