First Friday Mass + My J.C.L. Thesis

A lane just outside the convent.

Two devotional candles lit before the main altar.

Dear Friends and Family,

This past Friday morning--the first Friday of the month--I offered the Holy Sacrifice for all of my benefactors (including anyone who prayers for me, which is hopefully all of you!). Each first Friday the Mass is offered for you. While you all, and many others, are in my daily prayers (I tuck each of you inside the Immaculate Heart of Our Lady, and ask Her to always bring you to the altar, to the Divine Office as I pray it, etc. so that you might received graces from those prayers. In this way, even if I don't name you specifically, which of course would be impossible to do with all of you, each day, you are present in my prayers), it is particularly nice to be able to offer the First Friday Mass for you each month.

The Holy Mass is such an amazing, wonderful thing. When preparing to celebrate it, it is a particular joy to realize that Jesus Himself is about to renew His offering on the Cross and pour out graces upon the world. Regardless of how imperfectly I offer it (though I try to do my best), He is the one who will be acting, offering the Sacrifice. I've recently been thinking a lot of the words God spoke to St. Catherine of Sienna: "You are she who is not. I am He who Is." There is something simple, true, and very practical in those words. Recalling them helps me realize how I am not really the one who matters, but rather God and His action, and it is so wonderful to think of Him and His action, His presence... to have faith and trust in Him.

The two candles in the photo were lit by some unknown person(s), who must have visited the monastery chapel in the early afternoon, before I arrived back from Plymouth. They are a nice sign of the quiet graces of the monastery, of people who come to pray quietly and leave, but in whom God likely does much hidden work.

I also have a gift to make for all those with insomnia: my canon law thesis (for the J.C.L.) can now be found online here: http://www.valtorta.org.au/index-of-forbidden-books.html. It's not very exciting. However, I was pleased that Fr. Leo Maasburg, one of Mother Teresa's spiritual directors and a canon lawyer himself, read it and wrote to me that he found it to be well done. Since a few of you had asked me about this, there you are--but don't complain if you find it dry, as it is canon law!

Here, it is very good to now be digging into a steady routine of prayer, work, and study, without another trip for a while. Today was a wonderful day, with the two Masses, Confessions, and speaking with various people--it's great being a priest! But I'm going to head out for a jog now, which is always refreshing at the end of a day. Hopefully I'll make it down to the ocean and back.

May Jesus and Mary bless you and watch over you.

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Pillari

Saint Anne's Procession + more on life as a missionary in England.

High altar prepared for Mass for St. Anne's Feast Day.

Statue of St. Anne, decorated with flowers, to be carried in procession.

Statue ready to be carried.

Some of the hundreds of candles people carried in procession that night.

Dear Friends and Family,

This past week was spent mostly in the library at St. Paul's in Ottawa, Canada, doing research in preparation for the doctoral dissertation. Providentially, I was there when the patronal feast of the parish: the Parish of St. Clement - St. Anne, took place. It was a beautiful night of invoking St. Anne's intercession.

We celebrated a solemn High Mass, with Fr. Breton, FSSP, celebrant, Fr. Bizard, FSSP, I (spiritual director of their seminary in Europe) as deacon, and myself (thankfully having a minimal role) as subdeacon. Following the Mass the several hundred faithful in attendance lined up with lit candles, the scouts lifted the litter carrying St. Anne, and off we went... singing and processing around the neighborhood on a beautiful night. It was quite a nice way to invoke St. Anne's intercession, and was providential since she is also a patron of Lanherne monastery in England.

Having returned to England I am very happy to say that I will not have to travel for a while! It is good now to be able to delve more deeply into the prayer and work that is here, along with each day's unexpected events. For example today I stepped into the chapel at noon to pray and was greeted by a smiling young man in his mid-20's. We stepped outside to visit and wound up discussing his faith--he's a pentecostal who plays the drums and guitar each Sunday at his local church, but who comes regularly to Lanherne to pray quietly. He asked me "how I got saved"--so I talked about my baptism :), and my vocation, etc. At the end of the conversation he went back into the church to light a candle before the altar. Hopefully St. Anne will intercede for him...

Such events are part of the second row of my responsibilities for this coming year:

Second row reads: visitors, village, priest retreats.

Visitors

This involves people such as the young man who came by today. Almost every day people come to the monastery church to pray. Depending on the circumstances I take some time to talk with them, explain about the monastery, in some cases listen to their problems, etc. Some come to also ask for Confession (though that's more rare among the visitors), but many are non-Catholics or likely don't have much faith in anything, but are attracted by the quiet, historic monastery. I'll admit that I have much less time than I would like for this apostolate (and with the Bishop's agreement this second row is on the back burner for the moment), but it is still a regular part of apostolate here.

Village

I'm blessed to be in a largely friendly little village. Regretfully I also have to put this on the back burner. But it involves things such as going to the annual village festival, taking time to talk to neighbors, inviting someone over for tea, stopping at their house for tea, inviting them to come to the monastery for Mass, or prayer, etc. Trying to witness to the truth of the Faith. Regretfully time allows me to do very little at this point.

Priest Retreats

If priests request this, and only a handful did last year, then welcoming them here to make several day silent retreats. Hopefully, once the presbytery is fixed up, this apostolate can expand.

Well, I'd best get some dinner and then finish the evening's prayer and work. Blessed Feast of St. Ignatius of Loyola!

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Pillari

Beautiful Response to Tragedy + Missionary Priorities

My key responsibilities for this coming year as a missionary in England...

Dear Friends and Family,

As a joyful mother drove me to the airport this morning, I was given a wonderful gift: the gift of hearing the story of when tragedy struck her family.

About 15 years ago her 21 year-old son, one of 4 brothers, was in a devastating car accident that caused severe brain injury. The doctors thought he would not live. The mother described, with a beautiful, peaceful smile on her face, the events of that day: her arrival at the scene of the accident and seeing the wreckage, the 15 hour surgery that followed, discussions with doctors... And above all how God's grace had acted powerfully in the midst of this disaster. The many people lined up and praying at the hospital, as well as other parts of the country, the resignation to God's will--if it was His will that He take him, if that was what would be best for his soul, then so be it; the struggle and work to preserve his life and to nurse him back to help. The intervention of God in what seems to have been a minor miracle (I was told that every doctor who has since seen has medical charts has said "This was a miracle. He should not have lived."

Even more beautiful than hearing about the minor miracle and the action of grace in the time that followed the accident, was response of the boy's parents and siblings. They truly saw the accident and all that had followed as a grace from God--a grace that God had granted them in order to bless them and draw them, and others well beyond their family, closer to Him. I will not enter into further details here, out of discretion for the family. But as I listed to this smiling, joyful, peaceful mother--a lady whom I had spent the past few days with on the retreat, a lady whom I had observed to always carry that same loving, peaceful smile and to be ready to serve others--I could not help smiling broadly myself, thanking God for this wonderful woman and her family, for their great faith and abandonment to His will, and for the abundant graces He had granted them. We have so very, very much to be thankful for.

I spent a wonderful, even if exhausting, past few helping to give a retreat in Virginia. Though worn out, I wanted to wend you all this blog before heading out for a jog, praying vespers, grabbing a bite to eat, and then turning in early.

What will I be spending my time doing as a missionary in England this coming year? Here are my nine key areas of responsibility:

One thing that is not listed on here is of course prayer! I am tremendously blessed to have around 4 hours a day for prayer, about three of those hours first thing in the morning before the day's work begins. Then I have the wonderful blessing of working on the very worthwhile things in these 9 areas.

Sisters

My responsibilities include offering Mass and Confessions, spiritual direction when requested, sermons, other liturgical ceremonies such as particular blessings, other work to help them in their contemplative life, etc. This domain also includes logistical help as necessary with people outside the monastery, so as to help preserve their silence and solitude.

Lanherne Congregation

The little--but good!--congregation that effectively belongs to the monastery as their parish. This apostolate includes daily Mass, weekly Holy Hour, times for Confession, Baptisms and the other Sacraments as needed, teaching catechism to children preparing for first Confession and first Holy Communion, blessing homes and visiting families, trying to foster the children's spiritual lives (currently am being greatly assisted in this area by John, the young man discerning a priestly vocation), spiritual direction, etc. Soon it will include visiting and blessing the family-owned bakery. Currently it also includes a weekly evening rosary at a family farm.

St. Edward's Congregation

At the Bishop's request I began TLM began at St. Edward's, in Plymouth, just a few months ago. The little--but good!--congregation has been extremely generous and hard-working in helping to establish the Mass. To my surprise, we were able to begin immediately with Sunday high Masses and socials after Mass. This apostolate includes offering Sunday Masses and Confessions, Baptisms as needed (there was one two weeks ago and another will take place this fall!), other Sacraments as needed, sick calls, and in general working to establish the whole structure that needs to support and help the TLM to flourish: organizing and assisting volunteers, getting to know and coordinating with the pastor  (who is very supportive), trying to obtain necessary items for the sacristy, home blessings and visits with families, etc.

These first three areas of responsibility are I believe the most important since they directly impact souls. The other areas also impact souls and are quite necessary in their own right, but these first three are the ones that I try to maintain as the priorities.

There are also other souls that I care for, such as those whom I assisted on their annual retreat these past few days, but the above are the steady priorities.

I will sign off for now and will plan to continue next week explaining the other priorities.

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Pillari

Exploring a Mine

Dear Friends and Family,

Blessed Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel! May She smile upon each of you and grant you an abundance of graces.

I had planned to explain more this week about my missionary work here in Cornwall, England. However, given the unusual experience I had yesterday, I will save that explanation for next Sunday.

Yesterday...

Arrival in Zennor, Cornwall, for the beginning of our adventure.

The entrance to the mine....

Deep within the mine.

One of the tunnels cut by miners through the rock.

Exploring and listening to an explanation by one of the men who re-opened the mine.

Going up ladders. Above to the left you can see a platform that leads to another ladder, then to another platform, and another ladder, and so on... in this way we climbed to the upper tunnel of the mine.

Emerging again into daylight!

A stopping point along our beautiful drive up the Cornish coast back to Lanherne.

All throughout this past year the local families had very kindly been offering to take me to get to know the many beautiful and historic places in Cornwall. Due to the intensity of work and studies I was rarely able to say yes. While the pace of work and studies will still be intense this year, yesterday I was able to finally say yes to one of their kind invitations: the invitation to visit a mine, and not just any mine.

The father of one of the families that attends Lanherne was able to arrange for a group of us to explore the mine next to Zennor, Cornwall. Unlike the mines that are normally open to tourists, this mine is maintained as the personal "hobby" of a group of men who have been spending their Saturdays working on it for several decades. They don't get any pay for their work, don't actually mine anything, and only take visitors in a few times a year. They have been restoring the mine because... they love mining. This also meant that we were able to do things you would normally not be allowed to do (I imagine for insurance purposes) in normal visits to mines: such as climb certain ladders through narrow passages, walk on a plank over a deep body of water, etc.

It was rather amazing to think of the men (many, many, men in this part of the country--perhaps at one point more than 1/3 of the men in Cornwall), who spent their lives doing this: disappearing below ground for 8 hours to work by candlelight with little ventilation, using picks, explosives, etc. And all of this often in tight, cramped quarters. For example, a man might spend 8 hours wielding a hammer to strike a "hand drill" that chipped away at the rock. Or to think of how they often accessed their work space: they would walk in on more-or-less level ground, but perhaps with water flowing or standing on some parts of the tunnel, then climb up a chain (ladders, in some cases, were not used because during blasting the ladders would be damaged and need to be replaced)--climb up a chain while holding a lit candle in one hand to see by and with their tools carried on their back, climbing between rock formations, or lowering themselves into a hole they were to spend the day deepening, then getting to work... It was fascinating to learn about the different techniques used. For example the way explosives were set in pre-drilled holes and the specific timing of the charges.

But the even greater journey, that struck me even more this week--and that I have often mentioned, but try not to write about it every week!--is the journey of the soul that occurs during silence, especially in the early morning hours. Due to a slight change in the sisters' schedule here I have this week been able to spend 5AM - 5:30AM alone in the chapel, right before the Blessed Sacrament, sometimes prostrate, sometimes kneeling, and then at 5:30AM -6:00AM to continue the Holy Hour in a pew. It is wonderful, truly wonderful to begin the day in silence with the Lord. Regardless of the how the hour is spent on the "surface of my soul" it has been a source of wonderful peace and joy to be alone and face to face with Jesus Himself and His Holy Mother. Such a blessing and joy! That is in so many ways the journey "below the surface" that leads to the discovery of the richest treasures.

On this Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel, may Jesus and Mary grant you a child-like faith and love so that you might receive all the treasures that they wish to give you, especially the treasure of leading you more deeply into the hidden treasures that can be found in their Hearts.

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Pillari

Missionary in England

The Grotto on Lanherne grounds.

Garden in front of main entrance to Lanherne.

Dear Friends and Family,

I'm sitting down to write you at 8:40PM on this beautiful Saturday evening. As you can see in the photos above, it is quite beautiful right now here in Cornwall. Tomorrow should be a wonderful day: the usual schedule of a Holy Hour beginning at 5AM, the Divine Office, Confessions, Mass, etc. etc. until the evening. Tomorrow will have two particular blessings: 1) it is the feast of St. Thomas More and St. John Fisher, which in England takes precedence even over the Sunday, 2) I will have the privilege of baptizing little baby boy in Plymouth. He's the first child of a newly married couple, and it should be quite a joyous--and perhaps lively! since half of the family is Brazilian--celebration with the family and congregation.

But since I've finished tomorrow's sermon I wanted to sit down to write you already this evening, to pass on some very big news--a wonderful blessing for me: I am now officially a priest of the Diocese of Plymouth, England, which means that I am effectively called to now sink down roots for long-term ministry as a missionary here, in what is true mission territory. Our Diocese has 0.7% of the population that attends Mass on Sunday, and there are more Catholics who attend Mass than any other denomination that attends services on a Sunday, which means.... that I am in effect a missionary in a pagan country.

I remember some years ago hearing from a priest who had been assigned to Hong Kong, in part to act as chaplain for a contemplative monastery of nuns. The city was overwhelmingly non-Christian and very few people attended the priest's Sunday Mass. Essentially he, and the other priest and the nuns, knew that their missionary activity would consist primarily in prayer, sacrifice, and the witness of their lives. They needed to be prepared to persevere in that life for years even if there would be no tangible fruits to show from it.

I am now being asked to do something similar. Yesterday at the Cathedral Bishop Mark O'Toole formally incardinated me into the Diocese of Plymouth. What is incardination? (which is not to be confused with "incarceration!"). Every priest in the world is incardinated with particular bishop or religious superior. He is the one who is in charge of your priestly life and ministry. When I was ordained in San Antonio, I was incardinated in the Archdiocese of San Antonio, and assigned to the Mission of Divine Mercy. As of yesterday, I essentially "transferred" from San Antonio to the Diocese of Plymouth.

To get some sense of my new diocese and Bishop Mark O'Toole, who is a very good bishop, please consider reading his recent pastoral message to the whole diocese on evangelization--speaking frankly about how we are mission territory similar to Pakistan. It can be found here: http://www.plymouth-diocese.org.uk/index.php/52-news/344-go-make-disciples

Given the particular needs in this diocese, especially for a chaplain for the Latin Mass and other Sacraments--the need to develop this ministry for young families--and for a chaplain for the contemplative nuns; and given my own prayer and discernment these past 18 months, which has led me to a deep sense of peace that this is indeed the step that God is asking me to take now, Bishop O'Toole kindly received me to become a member of this local church. It is a great joy for me, and one that comes with a deep peace and hope--hope for what God has in store for me here. No doubt He has in store many crosses! Some of which are already present. But the Cross always goes hand in hand with His peace and joy.

One rather unique grace of my incardination was that I was received with a particular mission: to celebrate the Sacraments exclusively in the traditional form. This is a very particular joy for me! I will try to write about it in a separate blog post because it would take too long to develop here, but I will just say that my soul has been truly singing with joy at this aspect of my missionary life here.

I need to go in a moment to complete prayers and to get a good night's rest. But I cannot close without saying a special word to all those in Texas--to those who were in so many ways my family for the past 15 years. It is still a great sacrifice to be an ocean apart from you all, more than I can say adequately in words. But I have a great peace that the Lord Himself is asking me to be a missionary here and so also--just as the missionaries did in the past--to make the sacrifice of leaving behind everything and everyone they knew. However, thanks to the invention of airplanes I hope to be visiting you this fall or winter! Please do continue to pray for me, and always remember that there is "no distance between souls." So even though I'm here across the ocean you have "direct and immediate access to my heart and soul through prayer, and vice versa." I continue to ask Jesus and Mary to watch over you and guide you. May they bless you abundantly and grant you more than you could ever hope for.

I will try in the coming weeks to dedicate blogs to different aspects of missionary life here so that you can catch a glimpse of my life, and can hopefully spiritually "come with me" in this mission through your prayers.

May the angels watch over you and grant you a restful and peaceful night.

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Pillari
Priest of the Diocese of Plymouth

From California to Cornwall

A Cornishman, parishioner at Lanherne, at the Sunday morning post-Mass breakfast. Him standing there with this sandwich seemed somehow to epitomize part of Cornwall. So I couldn't resist taking his photo and including it here!

Dear Friends and Family,

My apologies for this late blog! I had meant to write it Sunday night, after the day's apostolates, but then got two phone calls that needed tending to and then collapsed into bed.

Last week was full of blessings. I'll try to give you some of the highlights.

For starters, I completed my long-awaited exam on Tuesday! The exam-day experience itself was quite interesting: waiting outside the Pasadena Convention center with several hundred very nervous law students--the tension was so thick that you could have cut it with a knife. I was asked for a number of blessings that morning. The exam seemed to go well. I felt I was able to give it my best effort and to use the allotted time well. I won't receive the results until August 15th, but felt grateful for how the exam went.

Then Wednesday I was able to visit with the Tasins and Layfields, two young families from Texas whom it was truly wonderful to see again--God bless you both for giving me that gift! Then Wednesday evening I hopped on a plane for London and arrived Thursday afternoon.

In London I was able to visit the Tyburn Convent--the famous convent of sisters built on the site where many priests and laity suffered martyrdom for the Faith--some of them being hung, drawn, and quartered. Saint Edmund Campion was probably the most famous of the martyrs. It was good to be able to pray where they had suffered, and to ask for their intercession for us today. I also spent some time doing research for my doctorate at a library in London. It's a library that I will hopefully return to in the coming months.

Finally, Saturday, I arrived back in Lanherne. After so much travel it was truly, truly wonderful to arrive back at the quiet convent and to be able to begin resuming a regular rhythm of prayer, work, apostolate, and study. And that began with a Saturday evening dinner with many of the local parishioners at their farm. It was wonderful to have a chance to go around the table and hear how each of them were doing, and how the past two months had been.

Sunday morning began as usual at 4:30AM with prayer, and then 7AM Confessions, 7:30AM Mass, then breakfast with parishioners, then off to Plymouth for Confessions, Mass, and then visiting over refreshments. After Mass we had the "Churching of women" ceremony for a young mother who had just given birth to her first child. It was a short, simple ceremony, but a beautiful way to bless the mother as she begins this stage of her motherhood. Next Sunday will be the Baptism. Then, later in the afternoon, I went to visit someone who was sick, and was encouraged by their attitude in the midst of hard suffering.

I then drove back to Lanherne. I had every intention of writing you this blog in the evening, but between the jet-lag and the fact that I only slept 4 hours Saturday night (was up late finishing the sermon), and then the two phone calls I received, I fell asleep before my mind could remember to write the blog.

So it was a week full of blessings, and it feels very good to now be able to dive into a regular rhythm of prayer and work.

May Jesus and Mary watch over you and guide you.

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Pillari

Surprise Blessing

On my drive each morning to conference center, Pasadena California.

Adoration Chapel at St. Theresa's Parish in Pasadena (Alhambra, technically), where the Carmelite fathers have kindly let me stay.

Dear Friends and Family,

I have a surprise blessing to share. But before that I'll share one of the most wonderful blessings of this past week: Adoration.

These past days I have been able to make a quiet Holy Hour each day in the adoration chapel pictured above. It is such a tremendous privilege to be alone with Our Lord. To kneel at His feet and be able to talk to Him, to listen to Him, to ask Him questions, to simply adore Him, love Him, and receive His love. I have been particularly struck these past days by how spoiled I am in my life as a priest--to have so much time one-on-one with Him, especially in the Mass and in Adoration. So much peace, hope, strength, joy, and light comes from Adoration. I suppose there's not a lot I can write about it here that would be adequate. I'll simply say that I am a very, very lucky (or rather blessed) man to live in, and almost always stay in while traveling, places where my daily life includes this silent time in adoration of Our Lord.

Now to the surprise blessing that happened today.... but first a quick report on the past days of study.

I am in Pasadena, California for the final preparatory courses for the First Year Law Students' Exam, and then the exam itself this coming Tuesday. I am very ready to finish the studying and take the test! So very much looking forward to returning to a regular life of priestly ministry and prayer at Lanherne at the end of this week. The studies have been intense and draining, but good.

The review sessions have been all day at a Pasadena conference center, but on by some of our professors at Concord Law School. To give you two examples of the professors I'm learning from:

One is an Illinois attorney who is the lead attorney for a stable group at the Illinois state legislature. I don't remember the name of the group but his team's job is to be constantly available to the legislators from both parties to review and help draft proposed legislation. If I understood correctly he is appointed by the governor and oversees a team of about 20 attorneys who do this. In addition he is a devout Catholic, father of a family, and makes homemade pizza that has won awards at the Illinois State Fair. He also sits on the national group that develops and presents proposals on the commercial code. Another is our dean. A Harvard law graduate he taught at another school for some years before becoming dean here a year ago. Very bright man. He is also a devout Jew and concerned with religious liberty. Very interesting man to talk with.

We had an awards ceremony at lunch and that's where the surprise came. I debated about whether I should share this with you all, but since many of you have been praying for my studies I felt I should. We were two sections of students, about 100 students in each section, who began the year, and about 40 successfully passed the final examination. They gave out awards for the student in each section with the highest grade in each of our four courses. We applauded as the other section's awards were given. Then for our section they handed out the award for highest grade in Contracts to a good fellow from Michigan. They they said, "occasionally we have as student who gets the highest grade in more than one course," and proceeded to call me forward to receive awards for highest grades in Criminal Law, Torts (law suits), and Legal Writing. I was quite surprised. Though this gives me no guarantees of passing the exam Tuesday-which is administered by the California State Bar rather than Concord, it is a nice boost to my confidence. Though I also feel quite at peace about not continuing if I am not supposed to pass or continue. We'll see.

So thank you for all of your prayers. For those of you in England, look forward to seeing you next weekend!

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Tony Pillari