On Retreat at Douai Abbey

The Abbey Church at Douai.

Dear Friends and Family,

"All our miseries come from our not loving the cross." - Curé d'Ars

Each evening this past week I filed into the heart of the abbey church pictured above, along with 14 other diocesan priests, to accompany the 12 resident monks in chanting vespers in the traditional Benedictine Divine Office. It was quite beautiful to hear the echoes of Gregorian chant reverberating through the vaulted ceiling. There is something truly unique about Gregorian chant and it's ability to help lift our souls to God.

Though the days were spent in silence--apart from the two daily conferences on the Virgin Mary and Her role in the life of priests--we gathered to sing vespers with the monks, and then as a group of diocesan priests we made a Holy Hour in the afternoon and chanted compline together to end the day. There was something quite special about witnessing the love and devotion of fellow diocesan priests. For example, each morning we took turns at three altars, each of us celebrating the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass at set hours, but often one or another of us assisting at at least a portion of the other's Mass. It was moving to see these priests' devotion to Our Lord and Lady and their fidelity to their priesthood.

I was particluarly touched by the love of one Scottish priest for Our Lady. When he arrived at the Abbey a miraculous medal hung around his neck. I asked him about it. "Our Lady, you see, She saved my life!" (proudly pulling out his cell phone to show me photos of him after surgery a year ago...) "You see, I was in a bad motorcycle accident and they put this in me (picture of metal rods in his torso), and said that if I came out of it I would be in a wheel chair for the rest of my life. I prayed to Our Lady and, a year later, here I am! She's powerful Our Lady!" I can't imitate his Scottish accent but wish you could hear it and see his broad smile as he told the story.

It was a very blessed few days for me. I always find extended silence to be a great help in opening my soul to the Lord's presence and to listening to His voice. For example, I was reading some of a life of the Curé d'Ars. After he had undergone some very humiliating and painful trials, a fellow priest asked him, "Did your trials cause you at some point to lose your interior peace?" "The cross make us lose our inward peace?" the Curé replied, "Surely it is the cross that bestows peace on our hearts. All our miseries come from our not loving it."

Profound words. All our miseries come from our not loving the cross.... This was good medicine for my soul. Was I at times anxious or bothered by certain things? Concerned about trying to not have this or that take place, or how to surmount such and such an obstacle? Sure enough, if I looked closely, a lack of love for the cross was at the root of it. That is, we should not love suffering for it's own sake. That would be sadistic. Rather, we should love Jesus enough to accept with true love and faith the crosses He sends us in our daily lives. So easily I can fall into the trap of thinking that the important things in life as a priest are the--even good, holy--externally successful aspects of priestly ministry or other such things in life. But in fact, it is the sufferings that God sends me that are much more important. After all, the most important things Jesus ever did on the earth were His suffering and death. That was the primary purpose of His life. He asks the same from me as a priest. So looking at my daily life in that perspective gives much more peace and joy than any other perspective.

I won't go on further, but that gives you a glimpse of some of what went on in my retreat.

Since it was a brief retreat, just a little over 3 days, I'll be trying to extend it this week with some extra days of silence. Please keep me in your prayers. You will be in mine!

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Pillari