The Humility and Charity of a 90-year-old Priest

Current presbytery kitchen, which the workers will begin, this week or next, tearing out. The kitchen will be moved to a different space and this room will become a kitchenette and full bath (two separate rooms), to go with the room next to it, which I'll show you below.

Current dining room. It will be fixed up to become the presbytery office, but in such a way that it can also become a guest room (with the attached bath and kitchenette) if in the future we can move the office elsewhere. Later this spring I will be moving in here while they renovate the rest of the presbytery.

A new apron that someone just donated for the presbytery kitchen, with an appropriate caption from my native continent :).

Dear Friends and Family,

I'd like to share with you something I experienced on Ash Wednesday, and that was quite moving for me. It involves Father Bernard Hasey, pastor of St. Edward the Confessor Parish in Plymouth, where I celebrate the Holy Mass each Sunday.

For those who do not know 90-year-old Fr. Hahesy, he has been a priest for over 60 years. Ordained in Ireland in the 1950's, they thought he would die shortly after ordination because he was so ill. Over and over again, over the past 60 years, that diagnosis has been made: he can't have much longer to live. When he was appointed past of St. Edward the Confessor 30 years ago I think they thought, "He will spend a few years here and then die."

He lived through the awful period of the decades after the Council and has continuously stood boldly for the truths of our Faith, especially the most rejected ones such as the mortal sin of contraception. This morning he did not hesitate to lay into his congregation for something they were not doing well. That is Father Hahesy, never shying away from speaking the truth, even though it has caused him, so often these past decades, to be somewhat alone or rejected. And yet he has also been loved by many. As a parishioner who knows him well told me, "The poor always know that if they knock on Fr. Hahesy's door they will find help. And he spends much time in the parish church. He truly prays."

The past year I have had the blessing of getting to know him. His health has also been deteriorating, to a point where he has at times not been able to make it through Mass. Recently, his health has become so poor that it seems he will likely have to move to a retirement home very soon.

So on Ash Wednesday I called him and asked him if I could come by a bit early, before my evening Mass at his parish, to visit with him. He cheerfully said yes. A few minutes later I received a call back, "Can we have dinner together?" I of course said yes.

When I arrived at his presbytery I found, to my embarrassment and edification, that he himself had gone out to a local supermarket (how, I do not know, given his difficulty moving), and had purchased the food for a meal. He had then cooked some fish, potatoes, and other things in the oven. He insisted on serving me my food first in the kitchen and then insisted, "now you go ahead and sit down and eat while I get mine." I was able to convince him that I would wait and it would be better for us to begin eating together. We sat down in his dining room and had a nice meal together, talking about a number of things, laughing at times, but I'll skip over all that in this blog. "Would you like a Budweiser?" he said. This was not quite what I had planned on for Ash Wednesday. But he was so eager to share it (as a good Irishman he knows his beers), and he himself is unable to drink at the moment, that I could not say no.

At the end of the meal, he insisted on offering and serving me coffee. I then offered to do the dishes with him. Once again he insisted that I should not. He would do the dishes while I got ready for Mass. So I went to the Church to pray and prepare for Mass (having stopped eating in advance of the necessary time required for fasting before the Holy Eucharist, in case anyone reading this blog was wondering--I don't want to scandalize you!).

I was thus given a moving example of priestly humility and the spirit of service. May God bless Father Hahesy and take particular care of him as he prepares to leave his beloved parish, and may He grant me to imitate one day some of his virtues.

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Pillari

Snow and Our Lady of Lourdes

Tuesday morning after Mass--a very rare snowfall (last one was 7 years ago!).

Made for snowball fights and other such games.

Dear Friends and Family,

Today is the (hidden) Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes--hidden because it is covered up by the Sunday celebration. I have fond memories of visiting Lourdes--spending a few days there with my parents, in February 1999. That particular week (just after the Feast) there was almost no one at Lourdes, and I could at times pray at the Grotto all by myself. In addition to being plunged into the famous healing waters of Lourdes, I was able to spend extended time reading through the messages and contemplating the events of the apparitions of Our Lady to St. Bernadette.

Lourdes is one of those places that we "think we know about" because we have heard the name often, or are familiar with statues of Our Lady of Lourdes, or because we may have seen a movie on Lourdes. But, like any apparition of Our Lady, there is often much more to the apparition than what we think we understand from a quick perusal of the facts.

The most famous facts at Lourdes are Our Lady's pronouncement to Bernadette that "I am the Immaculate Conception," and the discovery of the miraculous spring of water that has yielded so many well-documented miracles. Lourdes is not an apparition that has a hidden secret that Our Lady revealed that we can study or speculate on. The facts of the apparitions are relatively simple. But like any encounter with Our Lady, much can be learned by taking time to read slowly, and prayerfully, through the accounts of the apparitions. I have often thought that one could make a very fruitful silent retreat by having a few days of silence and a good, detailed, account of the apparitions of Lourdes, or Fatima or other apparitions, to read through. 

For example it is one thing to read quickly that Our Lady said to St. Bernadette, "Penance! Penance! Penance! Pray to God for sinners. Kiss the ground as an act of penance for sinners!" (Feb 24, 1858). It is another thing to read slowly during a Holy Hour, or during a time of prayer at the Grotto at Lourdes, these words and the account of Bernadettes's response, their connection with the miraculous spring, Bernadette's accounts of how Our Lady looked and of praying the rosary with Her, etc.

Silence is so very helpful for letting God's messages sink deep into our hearts.

If you are looking for spiritual reading at the beginning of Lent, you might consider picking up a good account of the apparitions of Lourdes, or a life of St. Bernadette that includes the same.

For me, it is a real joy to recall the events of Lourdes. God has been so good to us in giving us miraculous signs there, and in many other places, of that the truths of Our Catholic Faith are just that, true! May Our Lady watch over each one of you and guide you in all that you do, including helping you to make a good start to this Lent.

Before signing off, I will leave you with a picture of a little boy pushing a breakfast cart at our breakfast after Mass this morning. He looked even cuter in person, and was grinning ear to ear (but became a little nervous when I pulled out my phone to take a picture).

Sending you all love and prayers from England.

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,

Fr. Pillari

Last week's post just became public - sorry!

Dear Friends and Family,

For some reason my post that I wrote last Sunday only became public now. Perhaps it was user error and I simply did not click the publish button. My apologies!

I was thinking of you all this week as I continued my retreat here at Lanherne--well, continued it as best I could since construction work is going on all around me. But in fact it was a very blessed week.  Thank you for those who were praying for me. Since last week's post is being published tonight, I will just add two photos and a brief comment:

In the Carmelite tradition, the nativity scene was kept up thorugh yesterday's feast: the Feast of the Purification of Our Lady. We had a full 40 days of contemplating the Baby Jesus. A wonderful blessing. He has so much to teach us...

And now there is an Octave of the Purification of Our Lady which will continue through next Friday.

You all were in my prayers in a particular way on Friday, both because of the Feast of Our Lady and because it is the First Friday of the month, when I pray in the Holy Mass for all of you who support me thorugh your prayers, donations, and sacrifices.

May Jesus and Mary watch over you and guide you.

Lastly, tomorrow night I will be taking my neighboring pastor to dinner, Fr. Anthony O'Gorman, to celebrate his incardination into the Diocese. He's a good fellow. Please say a prayer for him.

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Pillari

On Retreat at Douai Abbey

The Abbey Church at Douai.

Dear Friends and Family,

"All our miseries come from our not loving the cross." - Curé d'Ars

Each evening this past week I filed into the heart of the abbey church pictured above, along with 14 other diocesan priests, to accompany the 12 resident monks in chanting vespers in the traditional Benedictine Divine Office. It was quite beautiful to hear the echoes of Gregorian chant reverberating through the vaulted ceiling. There is something truly unique about Gregorian chant and it's ability to help lift our souls to God.

Though the days were spent in silence--apart from the two daily conferences on the Virgin Mary and Her role in the life of priests--we gathered to sing vespers with the monks, and then as a group of diocesan priests we made a Holy Hour in the afternoon and chanted compline together to end the day. There was something quite special about witnessing the love and devotion of fellow diocesan priests. For example, each morning we took turns at three altars, each of us celebrating the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass at set hours, but often one or another of us assisting at at least a portion of the other's Mass. It was moving to see these priests' devotion to Our Lord and Lady and their fidelity to their priesthood.

I was particluarly touched by the love of one Scottish priest for Our Lady. When he arrived at the Abbey a miraculous medal hung around his neck. I asked him about it. "Our Lady, you see, She saved my life!" (proudly pulling out his cell phone to show me photos of him after surgery a year ago...) "You see, I was in a bad motorcycle accident and they put this in me (picture of metal rods in his torso), and said that if I came out of it I would be in a wheel chair for the rest of my life. I prayed to Our Lady and, a year later, here I am! She's powerful Our Lady!" I can't imitate his Scottish accent but wish you could hear it and see his broad smile as he told the story.

It was a very blessed few days for me. I always find extended silence to be a great help in opening my soul to the Lord's presence and to listening to His voice. For example, I was reading some of a life of the Curé d'Ars. After he had undergone some very humiliating and painful trials, a fellow priest asked him, "Did your trials cause you at some point to lose your interior peace?" "The cross make us lose our inward peace?" the Curé replied, "Surely it is the cross that bestows peace on our hearts. All our miseries come from our not loving it."

Profound words. All our miseries come from our not loving the cross.... This was good medicine for my soul. Was I at times anxious or bothered by certain things? Concerned about trying to not have this or that take place, or how to surmount such and such an obstacle? Sure enough, if I looked closely, a lack of love for the cross was at the root of it. That is, we should not love suffering for it's own sake. That would be sadistic. Rather, we should love Jesus enough to accept with true love and faith the crosses He sends us in our daily lives. So easily I can fall into the trap of thinking that the important things in life as a priest are the--even good, holy--externally successful aspects of priestly ministry or other such things in life. But in fact, it is the sufferings that God sends me that are much more important. After all, the most important things Jesus ever did on the earth were His suffering and death. That was the primary purpose of His life. He asks the same from me as a priest. So looking at my daily life in that perspective gives much more peace and joy than any other perspective.

I won't go on further, but that gives you a glimpse of some of what went on in my retreat.

Since it was a brief retreat, just a little over 3 days, I'll be trying to extend it this week with some extra days of silence. Please keep me in your prayers. You will be in mine!

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Pillari

Construction Work in my Soul and Fraternity among Priests

Scaffolding went up this week so that they can begin repairing the roof, and then begin year-long repair inside the presbytery. Great seeing the work begin!

Dear Friends and Family,

God's repairs and construction work in my soul.... will be particularly intense this next week for I will be making my annual retreat--at Douai Abbey, along with 14 other priests, under the direction of Fr. De Malleray, FSSP. Please pray for me! I will be praying for you.

Were the above scaffolding is full of workers, plus workers busy on the roof, plus workers busy inside the presbytery, all at the same time--each with his particular specialized tool, taking great care to do the work "just right--this would be nothing compared to the work that God is doing every single moment, when we let Him, in our soul. Think of it: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost truly live in our souls every single moment (barring mortal sin)--for God never sleeps. He is always at work with His Divine Wisdom, His Divine Life which is more full and rich than any life, than the work of the greatest craftsman, and He always desires to work on our soul. I wish I could see Him at work... well, hopefully one day in Heaven we'll get to see what He did in our souls.

In the meantime, a retreat is an especially blessed time for Him to work, because we are receptive, because we lay everything else aside to do the "one thing necessary" (Lk 10:42) as He says in the Gospel. Jesus values silence, prayer, retreat time so much that He gives us this astonishing scene in the Gospel. Martha is being quite charitable, moving about the house serving Jesus and the others in the home. Her sister is just sitting at Jesus' feet listening to His teaching. And yet when Martha asks if Mary can pull away to give her a hand, Jesus doesn't say, "sure," or "not right now, but that service is really important and she'll be with you in a while," nor "she can't because what you're doing is important but what she's doing is even more important."

No, Jesus makes the bold statement that Mary sitting there listening to Him is the only one thing that is necessary! Astonishing really. But it gives us an indication of how important silence, prayer, retreat is to Him. And priests have even more need of these things than others because there is much at stake in a priest's soul--not just his own soul but the souls of many, many others. The more his soul is docile to Jesus, the more that Jesus works at it to carve away what should be removed, to build up what is in His image, to make the soul more and more supple to Him, so that He can shine through the priest's soul, then the more other souls will benefit.

Well, I have a long, long way to go... and so am really looking forward to this coming week. The abbey is supposed to be in a beautiful setting out in the country. We will be given two talks a day--focussing on Our Lady and various aspects of the priesthood--have adoration, chanted vespers and compline, etc. Though the week will be in silence, we will be praying for each other and it will be interesting to meet the other priests, before and after the retreat. I know a few of them but the others will likely be new, coming from all over England.

One thing about living in such a pagan country is that the bonds of fraternity among priests tend to be stronger. On that note, this past Tuesday was a "clerical day" for me. I met a priest for lunch--who had been eager to have me come by for a visit, get to see his parish, etc. Among other things I hear about how his vocation developed--how he converted from being an Anglican because of the Real Presence in the Eucharist, etc. It was a very nice time--actually turned out to be about 3 hours. Then I drove back to Lanherne to meet a priest for Confession--so that we could each hear each other's Confessions. I've been blessed to do this weekly. Then, after a bit of time for prayer and work, I headed off to meet a local Anglican vicar and his wife for dinner at their home. Quite a different experience! He's a former policeman and was very welcoming, as was she. I can't say that I seem to have made any progress, unfortunately, on their conversion, but it was very interesting to learn more about the Anglican life of a vicar.

Well, the clock is about to strike and I need to head down to the chapel. I'll write you again after the retreat. Until then oremus pro invicem! (let us pray for each other).

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Pillari

Unexpected Encounter in a Graveyard

The three Kings coming to adore the Child Jesus (one hidden behind an angel), in my chapel.

The King of Kings, whom I just spent some minutes adoring in silence, after returning from the day's apostolate, before writing this blog post.

Dear Friends and Family,

There were many joys this past week: a visit to a young family where I heard Christmas carols played on a coronet and had children showing me their trains and model tractors, as well as asking me to read them a book on St. Thomas Aquinas--quite a nice combination!; the joy of seeing altar boys serve reverently, the joy of seeing parishioners get to know each other more deeply, or hearing that they had joined each other in a home for a time of prayer; the joy of hearing of a 90 year-old man's years of loving care for his wife in her illness, of his joy and faith as he himself prepared for death, of his great love for the rosary; so many joys...

But I'll just pick one to share with you today--well, I suppose it's two actually, but connected to one--I've chosen a simple even that happened a few days ago.

I took a break from work in my office to pray some of the rosary and take a walk to the village graveyard.

It is a peaceful place to pray the rosary, and one that helps you remember to pray for the souls in purgatory. While there I noticed a woman who was placing flowers on some graves, and who then sat down on this bench:

Out of discretion, I didn't take her photo while she was there, but this is her bench.

She greeted me warmly and said, "I think this is the most peaceful place in the world," as she looked out over this view from her bench:

She looked to be about 75, and had a very kind smile. She explained that she took the bus in from Newquay (a town about 30 minutes away regularly), to place flowers on the graves of some people she knew who were buried there. She said she wished she could take more flowers but could only carry so many on the bus. She talked for a while about how important the cemetery was to her, about how the village was still a good, peaceful place, about changes in Newquay, about life... ...We visited for a while and then she had to go, so I walked her part of the way back to where she would meet the bus. And then the following day I visited a 92-year-old lady in the village who only has a few weeks to live...

"I hate Catholics" were some of her first words to me. She first had asked me who I was (after letting me in, in response to my ringing her doorbell). I explained I was the local priest, and knew some of her family who had asked me to come visit. "Don't think you can convert me! If you want to try to convert me I'll show you the door. If you come for a friendly visit, you can sit down at the table here and have some tea and cake." By this point, she had already seated me at her kitchen table and seemed to be bantering good-humoredly. We proceeded to spend the better part of an hour talking.

She is quite an "open book" and is known as such to many people. I don't think she would mind in the slightest me recounting what I say here about our conversation. She complained about "Catholic Confession" but then gave me a chance to explain it and seemed to listen attentively. She asked me about what happens after we die, etc. In general, I would say she asked me some of the best, direct, questions that I have ever had on a first visit. I suppose knowing you will die in a few weeks helps to go straight to the point. All the while she poured tea, offered cake, and moved about pretty well. And her mind was sharp! She kept me on my toes.

It's very interesting to speak with someone who knows they will be leaving this world in just a few weeks, and who is not afraid to look that reality in the face. It very much helps put life in perspective. I won't go more into the encounter here, other than to say that she asked me to come back for another chat. Please pray for her and for me.

But in both of these encounters there was something very peaceful and joyful--both women had a certain peace and joy that was a blessing to encounter. I thank God for these two blessings of the past week, among many, many others.

May Jesus and Mary watch over you and guide you.

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Pillari

Three Kings and Frost in Cornwall

The Three Kings arrive in Cornwall

Dear Friends and Family,

Blessed Feasts of the Epiphany and of the Holy Family! As you can see above, the three kings arrived in the nativity scene in our chapel. I am very much looking forward to meeting the three kings one day in Heaven (God-willing, if I arrive there), and having a chance to fully see and understand their journey, as well as what their lives were like after adoring the newborn King. In the meantime, I find they have a lot to teach us as we begin this new year.

As I was driving home this evening I was thinking, "And what does God have in store for me in 2018?" What graces does He want to give? What are His plans for this year?" And I couldn't help but smile. For God's generosity has no limits. As our superemely good and loving Father He never looks at us and says, "I was very good to you last year, so I'm going to love you a bit less, do less for you this year." No, God always has ever better treasures in store for us. In fact He would love for us, like the Virgin Mary, to constant grow spiritually--which is to say to constantly open our souls more and more to the action of His grace, so that He might pour out more grace each moment into our souls. The Virgin Mary was not only conceived immaculate, but also grew in grace, wisdom, and holiness each moment of Her life. So Her soul was each moment more deeply united to God in charity, etc.... great mysteries which it's hard to express in words.

At any rate, this means for us, and concretely for myself--I was thinking while driving home tonight--that God wishes for this year to be even better than any previous year. So I was thinking about some of the beautiful moments with God that have taken place these past 42 years, some of the wonderful gifts and treasures that He has mercifully blessed me with. I have so very much to be thankful for. And yet this year God wishes to give something even better. I don't know what that is. It may well be gifts that will be hidden in faith, so that I won't perceive them at all, but I am sure that He wishes to give them.

It is wonderful to look at this next year in this way, through the eyes of faith, to catch a glimpse of the year ahead, in faith, as it truly is, or at least as God desires it to be, if I will only cooperate with Him: a year full of treasures of grace beyond anything that I have yet experienced. What a wonderful gift to look forward to!

And so, this new year begins. And the three Kings have so much to teach us. Surely, before the appearance of the star, they never expected the gift of coming and adoring the newborn King, and yet God had that in store and changed their lives forever. We most likely will not be asked to go on a long physical journey this year. For myself, it looks like this year will have at least a bit less traveling than last year. But God is asking each of us, if we are willing to "leave everything" interiorly, so that He can lead us, mould us, form us, according to His special plans. Whatever else this journey will involve, it will surely involve a lot of movement in terms of personal conversion--a willingness to die to myself in the aspects of my life that are not as God wants them to be, so that He can then form my life according to His will and His plans for this year.

As we begin this new year, I will be praying for each of you, asking that Jesus and Mary guide you and prepare you for whatever "great journey" God has in store for you during these next 12 months. Each of you was in my prayers especially two days ago in my First Friday Mass--as you always are on First Friday's--all of you who are my benefactors (which includes not only those who help materially but also anyone who prays or offers sacrifices for me--and hopefully all of you reading this blog at least say a prayer for me!). May God grant you to enter into the treasures of His grace that surpass anything this world can offer.

In Cordibus Iesu et Mariae,
Fr. Pillari

PS Please find below some images of frost on my car here two days ago. Amazing the beautiful designs that frost can make as it forms.

Hood of car.

Car Roof

Windshield